I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
