I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
