This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
