Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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