She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
