The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
