hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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