Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
