I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize