Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
