I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
