If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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