mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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