trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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