false alarm. still invincible.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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