Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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