I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize