Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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