Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
