We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
