I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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