Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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