I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
