Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I smell stomach acid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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