When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
