I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
