he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
