I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize