It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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