I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
