you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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