That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
