im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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