Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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