if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
