I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
