my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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