i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can text with my tongue
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
