You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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