if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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