i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
