there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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