Why does Corona taste like a burp?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
