Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
