please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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