Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
