even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
