Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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