Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
