How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
