i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There r osticjed everywhere
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
