Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
