It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
