my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
