Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
