Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize