Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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