so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
