I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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