Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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