apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
