drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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