rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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