if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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