U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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