I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
