Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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