Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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