I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
