the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
