This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Randomize
