I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize