when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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