Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well you can't waste a boner
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
tell me about the eggs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
