peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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