Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
