Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
