you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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