can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
