It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
