why didn't you poke me back
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
