the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
