It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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